I woke this morning to a Facebook friend request from what appeared to be an attractive young lady by the name of Helga.
Her name or face didn’t ring a bell. Nor did her more than ample cleavage, but in my line of work I meet a lot of people at events and as a result I do receive a large number of friend requests.
I surveyed the invitation from Helga and as I do with every new random Facebook friend request, I flicked Helga a quick note to thank her for reaching out, and politely asked where/if we’d previously met.
Possibly she’d been incredibly inspired at an event I’d recently spoken at, or maybe she’s a real estate colleague seeking some of my mentoring in a changing market. Whatever her reasoning, I thought it important to identify the basis for our impending future connection.
While I was waiting for Helga Hooters, (which by the way i found to be an interesting name) to respond I again followed my usual process of checking who my new lingerie loving soon-to-be new friend, Helga and I might share as mutual friends.
A quick scan of Helga with the impressive D Cups friends list quickly evidenced that we shared 19 mutual friends. I mean, what are the chances! In a world where gender representation is becoming evenly balanced at 50/50/50/50/7, I was flabbergasted that all 19 of mine and Helga’s mutual friends identified as blokes. ie: (He/Him)
I pondered that amazing stat and that not so ironic twist, and as I dug deeper i found that Helga in the purple mini skirt had zero friends from any of the other teams, if you’re picking up what i’m putting down…
I contemplated clicking through to some of the dozen or so links that Helga was offering to make all my dreams come true at, but I quickly stalled at making those clicks. I mean, on serious reflection, how the hell could Top Heavy Helga really know that the only real dream that I want to come true, is to be chomping down on a medium-rare 500gram T-Bone steak with lashings of pepper sauce, thrice cooked chips, with a side plate containing a token lettuce leaf, served with an ice cold beer, by no later than Noon today?….
I’m wildly punting that my dreams probably differ from the alluring promises at the end of Helga’s tempting links …
Anyway, It took a couple of minutes for my mind to properly drift back from the thought of that sizzling T-Bone to the matter at hand, my soon-to-be new friend, Helga Hot Legs.
As the morning marched on, I find myself still waiting for Helga to respond. I guessed that she’s probably busy at her day job cuddling her cute puppies. I know the 19 mutual (He/Him) friends I share with Helga with the BBL, (what even is that?) are all huge fans of puppies of all shapes and sizes, and that maybe, just may be, I’m being too analytical and cynical, and maybe I should just hit the Accept button. I mean, what is there to lose!
I decided to scroll through Helga’s pics and posts one last time. And there before me were the names of 2 very well known industry leaders, who have graced national conference stages for some of the largest brands in the country talking about all things digital safety and cyber crime, and both have been kind enough to encourage young Helga in her extracurricular pursuits by flattering her with heart emojis on her variety of lovely lounging lingerie pics. How inspiring of them!
As I’ve been tapping these thoughts out today I was momentarily distracted by a colleague posting with deep passion about the inconvenience he’s endured at the hands of the recent Optus data hack. (Yep, I agree its a sh#t-show)
My colleagues post went on to shove it fair up Optus’s left nostril at their lack of security, and exposing the deets of 10 Million fellow Australian’s to some unknown hacker probably sitting in a basement somewhere. (or an embassy)
My mind strayed again with yet another random musing… I mean, this might seem a little left field, but what could the chances be that the Optus (and now Toyota’s hackers name is actually Helga? Well, not really Helga (She/Her), but maybe it’s Harry? (He/Him/or They) ?
What would be the odds that we’d be personally opening the doors to our own data even wider than those on the Optus and Toyota servers seemingly were?…
C’mon people! We’re better than this! WTAF! Why are some people so obsessed with doing a name test on facebook to find out what the secret dark meaning of their name is! If you’re doing this stuff and willingly opening the doors to your private data you may as well just type in your BSB, Account number and pin, and go back to watching the home shopping network, or re-runs of Luxe Listings. It’ll save you a lot of time!
Our world is prone to more and more cyber attacks each day. Our data and identities are being stolen from under our nose. Our trust accounts are getting raided and emptied overnight. Our parents and grandparents are clicking links in dubious emails and opening their life savings (and your inheritance) up to unscrupulous scammers who are bleeding them dry. Not a week is going past that Tracey Grimshaw doesn’t run a story on another desperate lonely heart who has been fleeced of their life savings from Eduardo of Ecuador.
But here in the flesh, right in front of my own eyes, on this beautiful morning, as 10 million Aussies are dealing with the Optus data breach, I see a bunch of 19 of my colleagues all but giving Helga (She/Her) or Harry (He/Him) the keys to their kingdoms based simply on the lure of seeing a little bit of cleavage and others openly sharing their whole of life’s data via a facebook quiz in exchange to find out what their dark name means if they were a pumpkin! FFS!
As I approach my 63rd birthday this week I’m smack bang in the middle of considering what my career might look like for the next 10 years. So today’s amazing revelation of the the incredible gullibility and therefore the resulting extraordinary opportunity to fleece so many in our industry so easily has come at an absolute perfect time.
Knowing that I now have the option to pop on some frilly lingerie, change my name to Raylean (She/He/Her/Him/They) and invite so many of you to come visit me at gullible.com.au exists, I’ll certainly be exploring that career option.
I hopefully leave you with the thought that all is not what it seems online, and your diligence in. being 1,0000% sure that what you’re clicking on and who you’re friending and letting into your world has never been more important.
In the meantime I don’t think Helga is really gunna make my dream of sitting down to that medium-rare 500gram T-Bone steak with lashings of pepper sauce, thrice cooked chips, and a token lettuce leaf resting on a side plate, by no later than Noon today come true.
Maybe you will? It’s easy to help! Click here for the deets!
